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| This work is currently available for ALL copyright approved uses. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited. See Terms and Uses for specifics. ABSURDIST MELODRAMA “It’s Just Dirt” Copyright 2004 W. Allan Collette All rights reserved WACka-Motion Pictures Editors Notes to Stage Play edition: This version of the script is intended for the stage. Originally written as a play it was re-written as a teleplay specifically for Mercury Rising Radio Playhouse Presents which produced and aired it on cable access. Although the author prefers this version, both versions have their proponents and abundance of good points. For completeness both versions are available. This version has some minor additional re-writes which makes it run closer to an hour and varies slightly from the original stage version which is no longer available. RUNTIME: Approx. 50 mins. The Cast: W: Is a worn out middle aged figure. Clearly aged beyond his physical years. Bitter and frustrated he has “given up on his foolish fellows”, having no time for the world. He never-the-less finds time to pseudo-philosophize at length to the hordes of one who will listen. Clearly he is close to twice “A”s physical age. “W” has deluded himself into believing he has lived and accumulated wisdom way beyond his years, and is determined to share it, useless or not. He acts (and fully has come to believe) the persona he has created for himself, of the mature, weary, thoughtful, hardened, embittered (and through imagined adversity), enlightened philosopher... but it is an obvious facade and he isn’t fooling anyone except himself and maybe “A”. Although clearly not uneducated, his accumulated knowledge is of no practical use to him, due in large part to the fact he spends so much time “being a philosopher” that he has never actually had the time participate in life beyond pseudo-philosophical rants. A: Is a twenty-something drifter. A natural follower/ and true sheep among men. He is a pathetic reflection of those around him. He easily blends in, is a nameless face in the crowd, and in fact prefers this state to individuality. He is happy being who he is, which is nobody. He clearly could and should be more. His choice of “W” as a companion says a lot about his inherent weakness of character and unconscious desire to self destruct because it’s easier than succeeding and having to continue to make an effort. He is perpetually trying to gain W’s admiration and acceptance. (Which, as a follower he will never get). Any potential in “A” which does exist, will remain unrealized unless something very extra-ordinary occurs. But even a chance meeting with a personified universal force finds him hard to change, move, or otherwise alter. If anything, his response to this opportunity is to redouble his efforts to assure things remain unchanged. Mother Time/ the stagehand/ cat out of the bag: This actress play one major and two very minor supporting roles. As Mother Time she is a cultural mythological figure personified and re-sexed for an emasculated feminist friendly politically correct age. She is one of the primal forces shaping events throughout the play. Whatever the setting, she carries a symbolic bouquet of dead or dying flowers representing the wasted potential of her unrecognized “gift” to W & A, and more broadly, mankind. “If they just stopped to smell the roses, or even themselves, they’d see so much more clearly....” she metaphorically laments at one point. Despite her obvious power over all things, in the end, she is (ironically) as helpless as the rest of us to make any real and lasting change.. As “the stagehand” and “the cat out of the bag” she moves and supplies props, relieving the need to break the play into scenes, providing several sight gags their absurd literalness. Additional costume elements (Cat ears, furry sweater and gloves, a tee- shirt marked “stagehand” simply go over existing costume), being added or removed as needed, and in plain view of the audience. The Doll: Is made up to look like a typical china doll. Pretty and fragile one could imagine this “doll” on any little girls shelf. The only things indicating it might be anything else is it is life-sized and obviously an actual actress playing a doll. “The “doll” could also be played as imaginary. During the play, the question of “Is it a doll or isn’t it?” remains a disturbing if unresolved. If played “LIVE” the doll does make some slight but perceptible movements for observant members of the audience. On another level, this “characters” literal and metaphorical inactivity is every bit as important as any physical action the other characters take in the play, actually advancing both plot and various characters way of thinking. Then again, she may just be, after all, a discarded, forgotten doll of no significance whatever. Scene: A place*. Whatever the setting the scene should have surreal overtones that only hinting at an actual location. The play itself suggests several possible but non-specific locations for these purposes. Set elements and props: A record player (located somewhere at the front edge of the stage). Shovels (real or imaginary). A child’s sandbox with children’s toy shovels (located somewhere near center stage). A Ladder (off to one side or the other). A flashlight/ bulls-eye lantern. Vaudaville “acts” card-stand or painting easel (upstage right near center, close to doll, which is leaning against rear wall center). A Sign with arrow marked: “broken”. A wilted bouquet of flowers. Also a large (giant) grandfather clock which Mother Time can exit and enter during production, as well as other clocks, a giant hourglass, and various “Time” related props. Play Begins- (A moment or two passes. The two main characters stand facing each other about 4 or 5 ft apart, leaning lazily on imaginary shovels. They seem almost to be dozing. The body is laying at such an angle it is unclear what it is.) W It needs to be larger. A (Leans in slightly) Do you think? W Yes, definitely larger. A Hmmm... I'm not sure that I can agree. Smaller I think. W Than it is now? Surely you jest! A No, no, I'm quite certain. Smaller. but not by a lot. W (Leans in) You're certain? A Well, relatively certain. (They consider a moment) A As certain as one can be and still leave room for doubt. W Now that's the crux of the whole thing isn't it? If there is room for doubt then there is also room for it to be larger. Don't you think? A But it doesn't follow that because there is room for expansion that it follows that there must be expansion. W It's the way of the world. bigger, better, and all that. (Adjusting/ rearranging doll. Sits it up/ finally after a struggle, props it up) A But is it really? W (Half turns as finishes task) The way of the world? A No, bigger and better. Although....That could be the way of the world as well. W I couldn't say really. All I know is that I think it should be bigger, (as he approaches upstage) and in your ignorance you disagree. A (Steps to edge of shot) I really wish you wouldn't speak for my ignorance. It can speak for itself quite nicely thank you. See? Listen. (pause) (A sound- perhaps wind) There! What could be more eloquent? W I can't argue with that. (Fusses with doll’s head, makes subtle last minute adjustment) A (Moves back to center of shot) I should think not. W (Moves to center of shot also) But the question remains unsettled. (Both lean in on shovels) A Is the question itself unsettled or are we unsettling it? W That is another question. one I'm not willing to consider at this time. A One question at a time? W Exactly! A (Moves into foreground) But isn't the question of whether there is another question before us, in itself another question? W Only if we choose to consider it. A (Leans right into W) Then let's not. W Not what? A Consider it. W Consider it unconsidered. (Looks around, moving as he looks) (W has moved opposite edge of stage) We've come a long way and settled much. A (Moves center stage, walks around in small circle looking at ground) I think we're going in circles. See? I think we were here before. W (Takes a step or two closer) Are you sure? A Well, relatively certain. W (Takes a step or two more - back at original starting points but slightly upstage) There! (Jumps off spot like it is hot) Then. We have been here before. A (Tests spot by stomping on it himself - then brief pause) Then it IS all relative? W Apparently. A (Turns half away) Einstein would be proud. W Undoubtedly. A (Turns back, rushes to upstage area by doll, turns suddenly to front again) So, the faster we go nowhere.... W The more relative everything becomes. A simple law of physics really. One any ignorant schoolboy could understand. A (Moves half way back upstage) I still don't understand. W Then your ignorance should put in for overtime. A (Moves back next to W) Do you think? W (Thinks about it) Definitely. A (Excited, leans in in anticipation) At what rate? W (Forward but slightly to side) Time and a half at least. A So much? I should get rich at that rate. W (Grand all encompassing gesture) The wealth of things you do not know will make you the envy of everyone. A A most desirable condition. W Ignorance is, after all, bliss. A So I've heard. (Pause. Looks briefly around) But where were we? W Back at the beginning I'm afraid. A Then we've made no progress? W Tons. A But if we're back at the beginning? W Which is where we desired to be... A (Moves to one side a few steps) Ahhhh.... so we HAVE made progress. W (Moves opposite way) Almost infinite progress. Since what we desired was to be at the beginning... A (Takes a few steps toward W) To settle the question...? W (Leans on shovel) In a circuitous manner I'll admit. A But none-the-less settle it? W That IS why we returned. A (Leans on shovel also) Then what have we decided? W (Starts making digging gesture - stops) I'm afraid not... (Moves back to original starting point - almost digs again ) A (Interrupt - Move back to original spot) Then where does that leave us? W Going around again, at least until it all becomes clear. A But I don't want to go around again. There will be nothing new to see. W Then we have to settle it. I feel a need coming upon me. And when I feel a need I generally walk it off. A And go in circles? W Generally. A So we are relatively certain.... W To end up here, yes. As a matter of fact, we already have. A Have what? W Gone around again. A What? So quickly? W Time waits for no man. Mother Time has exited the clock. She hurries about making minor adjustments of the positions of various props and bits of staging relating to time. A Which is fine for the likes of us. Nothing to do but kill time. Mother Time stops suddenly. Rushes back to the clock and skulks around behind it listening intently. W (Turns) Shhhhh.... what are you trying to do? A Nothing, why? W (Steps up angrily into A’s face) You most certainly are, and I don’t like the sound of it. A The sound of what? W What you’re up to, of course. What would you do if she was standing right over there listening? (Points back towards clock) 20 years could fly by just like that! (Snaps fingers in A’s face) Mother Time frantically rewinds clocks hands, then gives up. W And then where would we be? A Where? W There! (Gestures off toward “time”) Neither actually looks. (Mother Time, IS now actually standing there in the open as he points) A Who? W Us, of course. A Twenty years? I suspect somewhere completely different. W At this rate I wouldn’t be so sure. But mind you not to speak of her again. Or killing either. A bad business. A (Looks around, surprised to see somebody. Taps W. On shoulder) Do you mean her? W Her who? A Her. Her. (Turns W. Around, shocked. Softly so she can’t hear) Who is she then? W (Softly also) I can’t be sure. A (Infuriated) For someone you’ve talked about so much you certainly don’t know very much. W Who? A Her. You were talking about her. W Was I? A That was the impression you gave. That she was her. W Did I? I don’t do impression very well. A No, you don’t. But you did give me the distinct impression you were talking about someone very specific. W Did I? A Distinctly. W Then I must believe that she is her if I was so definitive. A Her who? W (Matter of factually) Mother time. A But I thought... Long beard, New years... old lang zine... W Wrong again. (Turns, takes a few steps) A But, he... is a ...she. W Most observant. M Sexist pigs! Patriarchal swine. (She puts some of the flowers delicately in the dolly’s hair) (They look on a moment, stunned.) A Surly isn't she? W It's in the job description. Always rushing toward the future, never able to rest, moving slackers like us along. A Now hold on. I know for a fact... W A relatively certain fact? A Well, yes. Of course. W Then, there is your proof of her identity. (Both look quickly at her and back at each other) A Where? W We've gone around again without ever leaving this spot. Did you not notice? A Come to think of it.... W Some of her better work. (Pulls A to the side - far left) But one should be mindful not to cross her. A Obviously. (considers) Then time is really... W A mother, yes... End of sample text. The rest of the play (sample use copy) is available as a download/mail attachment upon request from scripts@wackamotionpictures.com for a $5 fee (which can be counted towards actual full script/ production fees at time of purchase). |